Steal The Cookie!

Hello, Everyone! Here's a little game I've created called "Steal The Cookie!"
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HOW TO PLAY:

The object is to steal the cookie from someone else in the MOST OUTRAGEOUS WAY POSSIBLE, while the other person tries to defend it.

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EXAMPLE:
Person 1: Explodes wall of fortress using Chuck Norris's thumb, and flies inside. Grabs (person before) and ties him/her to chair and forces him/her to watch Nyan Cat. Takes Cookie.

Person 2: Grabs person in chair and flings at chandelier on ceiling. Crashes onto Person 1. Takes Cookie.
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I'll start:

Ooh! A cookie! Stares at cookie on floor.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Eats cookie

Then I poop it out and rent a rocket ship to mars where this horrible thread threatens to eat it. Batman comes in dressed like a bat which gives him super powers, which some claim do. The I eat batman and burn his house down. When I ate the cookie again, I was magically transported to the magically magical land of SDK, where Mr. Gump let me stay. I then met Zoey, who wanted my cookie. But the cookie was mine, so I tickled Zoey till she gave up, Then I fought SDK and won. Then I took over all Dsi/3ds related sites. Then all social sites, then all business sites, then all government sites, then all National Defence sites. At that point in time, I had so much control, I could launch nuclear rockets to kill anyone I disliked. So I did, and Maximillion died. My dream was realised. I had full control over the whole world. Everyone bowed to me, and built a 9001 ft statue in my honor. Then the scientists discovered an anti-aging serum, and I was kept alive forever. And so did Moria. I lived so long, I found myself at the end of the universe, and then the universal retraction started. The whole universe retracted until the universe was held in one infantessimally small speck. Then the Big Bang happened again, and I was born again into the beginning of the new universe. Obviously, I became the ruler of the world through the Christian, Roman, Medieval, and Modern times, until I came to the year 2012. Then I married Spyfox and had babies that I fed to the Mighty Sarlac©. Then the Sarlac got mad and stole my cookie.