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Jaylene: Chapter One

Comments

Avatar Draconid_Jo
31 Aug 2019 19:19
Wow, and you're telling me you've never Written any Stories before?

This was AMAZING!

You did a very good job of building up suspense, as well as conveying each Characters relationships and personalities without a ton of dialogue.
(Something that I tend to have trouble with, myself.)
Avatar Siling-La
31 Aug 2019 20:37
In reply to Draconid_Jo
Well, I have, but I've only finished one. That one was good in my eyes, but everyone else hated it apparently.

I was very uncertain when writing the dialogue because I wanted to make it realistic without making it "perfect". You know what I mean? Cause he is a lazy, out of school, 19 year old guy who had no dad for most of his life, and he's talking to his mom which is a busy, single housewife who is struggling to provide for her family, (although I didn't mention that) and his sister who is a sassy, stuck-up fashioninsta who couldn't care less about her brother.

So, I am trying to put myself in all of their shoes while arguing, talking, and manipulating myself.
Avatar Draconid_Jo
31 Aug 2019 20:56
In reply to Siling-La
Wow, that sounds sorta like what I went through when Writing that 3rd Chapter of MoD.

In my case, though, it was a little weird, as it was more or less me already understanding their personalities, and just kinda letting them have that whole conversation in my head, lol.
(It's kinda weird if you think about 1 person having that many different personalities in their head.)

IMO, you were able to do an excellent job of Writing about something I'd probably struggle with: Normal Human Beings.

Personally, I think you did an Amazing Job, just as good as the other Writers here.
(And TBH, I already like your Story better than most of theirs.)
Avatar Siling-La
31 Aug 2019 20:58
In reply to Draconid_Jo
Aww, thanks. I assume you're all for a chapter 2 then?
Avatar Draconid_Jo
31 Aug 2019 21:09
In reply to Siling-La
Of course!
Avatar WahooWa123
31 Aug 2019 17:28
Pretty good, nice change of pace from all the poems


also

exuse
Avatar banjo2
31 Aug 2019 18:16
In reply to WahooWa123
stop stealing my comments
Avatar Siling-La
31 Aug 2019 19:10
In reply to banjo2
Girls, girls, you're both pretty! But do you think I should make a chapter 2?
Avatar banjo2
31 Aug 2019 23:09
In reply to Siling-La


yes
Avatar Gemini Guardian
01 Sep 2019 04:16
In reply to banjo2
hi girl
Avatar banjo2
01 Sep 2019 04:24
In reply to Gemini Guardian
hi boy
Avatar Gemini Guardian
01 Sep 2019 04:26
In reply to banjo2
so are you my sister now
Avatar banjo2
01 Sep 2019 04:27
In reply to Gemini Guardian
does that mean i'm hot?
Avatar Gemini Guardian
01 Sep 2019 04:29
In reply to banjo2
you always were
so
yes, but even more
Avatar banjo2
01 Sep 2019 04:29
In reply to Gemini Guardian
i thought i was f-tier
Avatar Gemini Guardian
01 Sep 2019 04:30
In reply to banjo2
i thought i said i was
Avatar banjo2
01 Sep 2019 04:31
In reply to Gemini Guardian
i believe you said "joseph and i"
Avatar Gemini Guardian
01 Sep 2019 04:33
In reply to banjo2
yes
but
compared to the grils
Avatar banjo2
01 Sep 2019 04:34
In reply to Gemini Guardian
f-tier is a long way off from s-tier

so you're basically saying that they're hot beyond the possible hotness on this world
Avatar Gemini Guardian
01 Sep 2019 04:35
In reply to banjo2
yes they're
Avatar banjo2
01 Sep 2019 04:38
In reply to Gemini Guardian
yes
Avatar Gemini Guardian
01 Sep 2019 04:39
In reply to banjo2
so you agree
Avatar banjo2
01 Sep 2019 04:40
In reply to Gemini Guardian
yes

i am f-tier

they're sssss-tier
Avatar Gemini Guardian
01 Sep 2019 04:42
In reply to banjo2
we*

but, yes basically
Avatar Siling-La
01 Sep 2019 05:26
In reply to Gemini Guardian
I am so confused that words cannot express my confusion in a way that would make any sense.
Avatar Gemini Guardian
01 Sep 2019 13:18
In reply to Siling-La
why so confused?
Avatar Siling-La
01 Sep 2019 16:41
In reply to Gemini Guardian
You grills! I don't even understand what f-tier means!
Avatar Gemini Guardian
01 Sep 2019 17:12
In reply to Siling-La
do you even super smash
Avatar Siling-La
01 Sep 2019 17:21
In reply to Gemini Guardian
nope That's mean! ;-;
Avatar Gemini Guardian
01 Sep 2019 17:24
In reply to Siling-La
wow
Avatar banjo2
31 Aug 2019 15:37
This is a nice change

also



uncle ben
Avatar Siling-La
01 Sep 2019 00:50
In reply to banjo2


also

I chose the names Aunt Macy and Uncle Ben because they rhyme with the names of my Aunt and Uncle.
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