This blog will be in video form. This is not the kind of topic that I can write down and get all of my thoughts out. At a later time, if someone wants to transcribe this so I can just copy/paste, they are more than welcome.

I hope everyone is doing alright.

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT (taken directly from the video so i apologize if its a bit awkward to read) :

Hey guys, um, my name is Aaron, formerly known as Thi500, or T-H-I-5-0-0, as its spelled; um... this is not an easy video to make, I opted to do this instead of writing a normal blog, because I just don't think this is the kind of topic I'm able to write through text. There's just no way for me to really get my thoughts together on paper or on screen, whatever the fuck. Um... uh, for those of you guys that are not aware yet, we lost a very important member of our community. Angela, or Star Shadow, passed away the other night. She uh, she's been dealing with a terminal illness for a, a long time. A /long/ time. And... she just finally succumbed to it. (Sigh) It's... I think Nikki was gonna write out an obituary eventually, but I didn't think it would be fair to you guys to have to wait for that, because we wanna give everyone in her family time to mourn and everything, and you guys are gonna be the last to know no matter what. And... I just wanted to at least make everyone aware of the situation. So... I'm not gonna cry. (laughs) It's okay to cry, but I'm not gonna.

So... Angela has been around, at least in our community, for a long time. The fuckin'... 3DS, DSi, Paint, SDK, whatever we call it now, community. Um, 2010 is when she joined. Before my time, I was part of the 2012 gang. But um... a long time, and theres something to be said about her legacy on the website, and its fuckin windy I'm so sorry (laughs) I'm sorry if it's so windy that its interrupting the audio. But um, she was around a long time. From some of the first years of this entire goddamn website, up until now. Been through so many different generations of members. She was always the first one to come back whenever there was a big revival. It's just... there's just something I respect about sticking to something for so fucking long, despite everything. Like, we've got the time where activity on the site just halted, back in like, I wanna say 2014? 2015? Came right back up, in 2016. And now fast forward to today, and its just been... she was there for... all of that. Sorry, (laughs) can't hold this thing [camera] properly.

Um... I feel like we owe her a lot. Just from being here for so long. And for dealing with all of our bullshit for so long, and any time I got my ass into trouble (snap) frame one, she was always there to talk me down. Any time that I was having an issue, or I had the entire fucking website on my ass, frame one she was always fucking there to talk me down. Um... and when I was dealing with eating disorders, and was about to fuckin die from that, alone, she would always be there to encourage me. Always be there to... she would just be there. And I feel like thats a sentiment that plenty of people can relate to, she was always... there. She was always there for people. And I know its corny as hell to say, but I feel like- I want to get this off my chest. Because I know she's a person that meant... so fucking... (wiping my eye) I promised I wouldn't cry, but fuck it. She just meant so much to me. And so much to a lot of other people, too. And it just, uh... I feel like [unintelligible] (i stuttered oops) I feel like we owe her a lot. All of us, anyone who ever signed up for this goddamn website, we owe her a lot. Even after BEGGING and PLEADING for her to give up on paint, do something else, please, its not good for your mental! But she, she stuck by her fucking guns. And that's something I admire.

I don't even know. I don't even know what else to say. It doesn't really need to be said, but it's something that I've come to always remember, even if I forget sometimes, paint is like my fucking family. I've been on here for 11 fucking years. Thats a long ass time. And no matter how many changes the community makes, or how many times people come and go, how many fuckin fights I get into, you guys are like my fucking family. That's not something I say lightly. I like to compare paint to... moving away from your hometown for the first time. Like yeah, you're in a new place, new people, new friends, but you never forget where you came from. And that's how I fuckin feel about paint. That's where I came from, that's literally where my whole internet journey really started. When I was a kid, all I had was a fuckin DS, 3DS for internet. Can you believe that shit? (laughs) 2012 was an interesting time. And that's all I had, that's how I found paint. (loud truck noise) Who's fuckin' truck is that? Jesus christ. Sorry, I'm easily distracted. Um... and that's just really what paint is to me, you guys are like my family. And I occasionally forget. Paint means more to me than you know. All of you, even the people I don't get along with (laughs). And while I may disagree with the direction the site takes, I may disagree with some of the members on here, I may disagree with the fuckin owner of the website fundamentally, none of that really fuckin matters, because you can't... you can't really take back what happened. And Angela was no different.

The website had a very positive effect on her, it gave her a fucking home, where she didn't have one. And enough to where she stuck around for 13 goddamn years! It's, um... the fuckin site meant more to her than anybody. Probably the oldest active member up until now. Besides the fuckin owner, but... (smiles, and does a "pshh" hand gesture) ...whatever. I'm just jokin', but um... It's hard for me to really gather my thoughts about this cuz there's so much going on at once. This kinda shit ain't easy to deal with. Never really is, especially when its someone you've known a long time. It's tough, and it's not gonna get any easier, it's a wound that never heals. I feel like as many disagreements as we get into, and as much shit happens on this fucking website, we all cared about her. And we all wanted to be friends with her, and we all wanted to be around her, she was always a joy to have around, she was just a great fucking person. And I'll never forget her. I'll never forget what she did for me, I'll never forget what she did for all of you, for paint, it just... fucking sucks that the best people we know end up going out like this.

I really do mean what I say when I say you guys are like my family. It's corny as fuck (laughs) and I often forget, but paint does mean a lot to me. And I forget that sometimes, I really do. (loud rustling behind me, i get distracted again oopsie) It's a fucking squirrel, dude! Jesus christ, how can a rodent make that much goddamn noise over there? (laughs) If you guys have any experience with her that you want to share, let me know. For the people who, in 2023, still dont have access to YouTube, want me to transcribe this, I have no problem doing that. You guys are... you guys are great. If we haven't spoken in fuckin years, or if you have a negative opinion of me, it's fine. I get it. I've done dumb shit. I'm only human, we've all done dumb shit before. I just wanted to have a genuine conversation with you guys. Because this is NOT something I'm able to type. Not something I'm able to fuckin type. What time is it, 4:45? I need a fuckin nap. I'm exhausted. Physically, and emotionally. Thank you guys for watching. I love you all, genuinely.

I'll leave you off with one thing I came up with on my bike ride today; just like all the planets, we orbit around our star. We all rely on it for energy, we rely on it for warmth. Angela was our star. Our Star Shadow, if you will. I'll see you guys soon.

EDIT 8/11/24 (not in video form. i typed this) :

It's been one year. Miss you every day, Angela. Hope you're in peace now. Miss you, girl. Hope you're proud of us. A lot's changed in the past year; I became an actor, for one. That's neat. Haven't given up on that dream. Uh, what else... I got more cats. They were rescues. I had no choice. You would have loved them.

Can't believe it's already been a year since we lost you. Just wish I got to talk with you one last time. I missed our random conversations about pokemon, about early 2010's internet, or just about life or philosophy.

Thanks for always being there at my worst. Wish you were here to see my progress.

But do me a favor, okay? Don't say goodbye. I hate goodbyes. When you say goodbye, it means forever. But when you don't say goodbye, then you're not really gone. You're just not here right now.