Why have I been this way?

I've been attracted to the melancholy ever since I discovered Kancolle in the summer of 2020. The way the story writers constructed that story is meant to illustrate a constant uphill battle, and with the amount of heavy themes that are overshadowed in game, it creates a ipe environment for all kinds of depressing derivative works.

Which I ate up.

Fast forward to the present day. I was scanning through my osu maps to compile a playlist. Since I was sorting by artist name, all the sumika songs hit all at once. All the songs I had from him were featured in the soundtrack of I Wanna Eat Your Pancreas. Not only does the movie itself have a very heavy theme, but the circumstances under which I watched the movie amplified that even more.

I was on the verge of tears.
Yet I looped the songs.
Maybe it's the catharsis I'm after.

Or maybe I'm a broken man.