People come and go, time flows on, the world changes, and yet I remain here, still the same as before…

But I am alone in this cruel world now, this world full of great suffering and pain. People hurt each other, kill each other, and we're all washed away by the rain…

I do not want to die, I just want a life of peace, but there is no peace in this cruel world. Only hatred, violence, and lies…

The people that you love the most make you suffer the most. Those who you trust the most don't trust you; those who you care about the most don't care about you; and then there's that evil bastard out there who just wants you to disappear, leaving “no blood”, “no bones”, “no skin particles”, until there's “nothing left” of you…

I just want to return to my happy place: the place from whence I came. Back into my mother's womb, away from this cruel world filled with suffering and hate…

Back in my mother's womb, I felt only her warmth and her love. I was happy and at peace, and I didn't want to die back then…

…But that's OK, because Mom said that God loves me too, and will take me back to my happy place when I die. But in the meantime I must suffer, because suffering is life, apparently…

But why is this world so cruel? I thought that this was a happy place too? Is the “scum of the fucking earth” not allowed to have a happy place? Is someone who's “mentally fucking braindead” not allowed to have a happy place? What did I ever do to you to deserve any of this? Exist? Is my existence the problem here? Do I need to disappear, and leave “no blood”, “no bones”, and “no skin particles”?

Why do evil men walk freely and get to make the weak and the innocent suffer? Children being bombed to death. Children being starved to death. Children being bullied to death. How can adults be so cruel towards children?

…But that's OK, because Mom said that God loves me no matter what, just like she did. He loves me when I'm happy about being alive. He loves me when I miss my mother so much that I can't stop crying. He loves me when the person I care about more than anyone besides my mom makes me feel angry and sad for disagreeing with me. He loves me when I know that something very bad has just happened and that I can't do a damned thing about it. He loves me when I just want to crawl back inside of my mom and sleep forever…

Maybe I really will get to return to my happy place when I die, just like Mom said? Maybe Mom's right that I just need to keep pushing through all of this suffering and hardship to reach the light at the end of all of this terrible darkness? Maybe I shouldn't just disappear, and leave “no blood”, “no bones”, and “no skin particles”?

But will people remember me when I'm gone? Or will “nothing come out” when they say my name? My mom named me Joshua after Jesus, BTW, but even if that cruel person wants me to be crucified just like Jesus was for sins that are actually his, I don't want to disappear and leave “no blood”, “no bones”, and “no skin particles”. Is that wrong? Is it wrong for “the scum of the fucking earth” to want to live a happy life? Is it wrong for someone who's “mentally fucking braindead” to want for himself and his friends to be left alone? Is my dad “based as fuck” for beating me every day and calling me homophobic slurs and other cruel insults? And what sort of person would actually say something like that about a domestic violence victim's abusive dad?



I want people to remember my name when I'm gone, and I want them to be able to say it too. I'm Joshua “Lorenzo” Belcher, and I'm glad that I exist. I called myself Draconid_Jo here because my sister gave me the nickname “Jo” IRL, and because I like the Draconid people in Pokémon, especially Zinnia. Does me liking Zinnia mean that I “should not be around children?” Is “that shit drac said” a “CRIME”? And if so, why isn't talking about the “off-brand porno edition” of your 2DSDraw series and what the characters “genitalia” would be like in Banjo's group full of children (and a few adults like yourself) somehow not a “CRIME”? Is it not “fucking disgusting” to do so? And does being “an abused child” yourself give you the right to say that another abused child “man-child” should disappear, until there's “no blood”, “no bones”, “no skin particles”, and you can't even say their name anymore?

But what do I know? I'm just “mentally fucking braindead”, right? It's not like my thoughts or feelings matter. I'm just a “body” for you to “cook”; someone who's very life and happiness is just something for you to destroy for your own twisted amusement.

…But that's OK, because Mom said that God loves me no matter what, just like she did. He loves me when I say something that causes my “based as fuck” dad to beat me until the inside of my mouth bleeds and I want to kill myself. He loves me when a bunch of people who don't care about me enough to even look at my profile falsely accuse me of pretending to be a kid. He loves me when I'm so sick of being alive that I just want to crawl inside my mother and sleep forever, which I can never actually do because my mother's body is a bunch of ashes in a box now. He loves me when I let my besty down by taking the opposite side of a conflict as her because I just can't take it anymore and want the evil person who wants me dead to go mind his own business and quit trying to destroy my happy place.

Maybe I'm only meant to have a happy place before I'm born and after I die? Is that it…?