I wrote this after taking a course on the biblical book of Jonah a couple years ago. My illustrator friend and I are working on getting it published.

The word of the Lord came to Jonah one day,
Saying, "Go to the great city called Ni-ne-vay,
And cry against it, for as you surely see,
The stench of their wickedness wafts up to me!"

So Jonah got up, heeding Yahweh's instruction,
And bravely turned tail in the other direction.
He went down to Joppa and boarded a ship,
And purchased a ticket for a one-way trip.

He went down through the galley and into the hold,
Where he lay his head down in the mildew and mold.
But as Jonah slept soundly, content with his doing,
God whipped up a wind, and a storm was now brewing.

The wind and the waves slammed into the ship's side,
While the sailors on deck in dread panic all cried,
"O Dagon! O Marduk! O Neptune on high!
Save our ship, save our souls, or we're all gonna die!"

And they scrambled and scattered, and grabbed their whole haul,
And hurled it o'erboard in the sea-churning squall.
They woke Jonah up from his slumber downstairs:
"Do you know a god who might answer our prayers?"

At that, Jonah smirked, and he haughtily stated,
"A Hebrew I am, and my own God created
The skies and the land and the seas down beneath—
And I'm running away to get out of his reach!"

The crew, for a minute, stood silent, perplexed,
Until they begged, "Please get us out of this mess!"
So Jonah, responding to their earnest plea,
Somberly sighed, "Throw me into the sea."

The crew first refused and attempted to row,
But quickly saw that there was nowhere to go.
So...
They picked Jonah up, and they called to the Lord,
"He told us to do it!" And they chucked him o'erboard.

The storm ceased to rage after Jo walked the plank,
And the sea became calm while the poor prophet sank.
But just when he thought he had got his deathwish,
God made him land-food for a great, giant fish.

Then he prayed to the Lord while within the whale's belly
(Which, as far as pray'r closets go, is rather smelly),
"I called from the depths of the ocean, my grave,
But even in death, You have power to save."

After three days and three nights in the ocean,
The great fish experienced mild indigestion,
And vomited Jonah up onto dry land.
Now the word of the Lord said, "Let's try this again."

"Go now to the great city called Ni-ne-vay,
And proclaim to it all of the words that I say!"
So Jonah arose, and he entered the gate,
And he had this to say about Ni-ne-vay's fate:

"Forty more days until you get what's yours!"
He then called it quits after one or two hours.
But the people all heard, and believed, and repented,
And called for a fast while in sackcloth garmented.

The king heard about it, and rose from his throne;
Even he sat in ash for his soul to atone,
And decreed, "We shall turn from our old evil way!
Who knows? Maybe God won't destroy us today."

When God saw their deeds, His heart was contented,
And from that calamity threatened, relented.
While the good Lord above liked this outcome a lot,
The prophet who watched from the hillside... did NOT.

"It came without locusts! It came without lice!
It came without hailstorms or tumors or mice!
I knew You would do this, You goody-two-shoes!
—Hence why I booked the one-way ocean cruise!"

"I hate it so much that I wish I were dead!"
"Are you right to be angry?" the Lord gently said.
Jonah built a small shelter and sat in the shade,
And waited to see if the Lord would renege.

So God caused a plant to spring up from the soil,
To give Jonah shade so his head wouldn't boil.
And Jonah was glad for the shade on his head,
Until the next morning the same plant fell dead.

And Jonah began to blaspheme, swear, and curse,
"I knew this whole blasted trip would be the worst!
That plant was my friend! That plant was my home!
I wish I were dead! God, just leave me alone!"

The Lord said, "Are you right to be angry so,
When you didn't do anything to make it grow?
To great Ni-ne-vay, don't I get to imbue
The same mercy to them that I've given to you?"

The end.