I remember the cold, relentless winter..I think back on it whenever I listen to one of two songs-killing lights or kiss and control, both by AFI on their decemberunderground cd..
I remember long walks in the miserable wonderland of my neighborhood..It was the first year that the cold didn't bother me-probably because it was still warmer and more inviting than my house..The entire decemberunderground cd was my escape album that winter, but those two songs in particular are what i gravitated to..
It was nice, though-just me and my ipod, and almost no one around..Everyone else was inside, enjoying the comfort of their home-which, I have, for a long while, stopped feigning to possess-whereas I was enjoying the comfort of the barren tundra..As I said, normally, it would have been too cold for me, but escape usually grants its possessors small comforts unimaginable from any other point of view..
Denial can only get you so far-and believe me, it's done me wonders in keeping up my spirits over the years-but it has to run short sometime..These walks-and a very close friend-were my therapy after I'd decided to come to terms with my fate..
I learned over the years not to let anyone in, to put up the wall, and that no one can hurt you this way-but I met someone who climbed that wall, got inside me, and made things a little more worthwhile..Phone calls and texts let me express myself-and I could because this person was different than everyone else:whereas anyone else would pity me if I opened up to them, I received genuine understanding and support, and I never thought I'd get that from anyone..This was vital in letting me trust this person, and I'm glad that I did.
I owe every smile to you, every laugh, and even though you had your own cuts and gashes, you helped mend mine..I am forever in debt to you, one life, a thousand laughs, and a million smiles..