The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.


The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.


When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.


Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of intere


What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come


Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.


Scientists say because of global warming they expect the world's oceans to rise four and a half feet. The scientists say this can mean only one thing - Gary Coleman is going to drown.