Ok, lets get started. If you like USA's current president, you wont like this one. So theres two guys in a bar, one Demacrat, the other Republican. The only thing the agreed on was the favorite beer, and Obama was One Big Ass Mistake America.
Here's another. A snail walks in to a Pizza Parlor, he says "Two large peperoni to go". The chef sees the snail, and flicks him out the door. Two days later the snail's back and says, "What was that for!".
Alright, one more, this is my favorite. The teacher of a first grade class walks in and says, "Ok class, lets start by writing a sentance". Timmy raises his hand, "Yes Timmy", the teacher says. He replies, "May I use definitally in a sentance?" The teacher says, "Certainly". Tim raises his hand again and asks, "Are there lumps in farts?", "No" the teacher says. And Tim says, "Well then I definitally shit my pants!"
Good night everyone! Thanks for reading!