December 21, 1992, I was 7, my sister was 5, almost 6 (her birthday was January 29). It was like every other morning. It was always difficult. My sister, you see, she was severely handicapped. She was unable to walk, talk, feed herself, was still wearing diapers, just learning to sit up on her own. She was truly like an infant, at the age of 5. She was allergic to a whole list of things, on oxygen through the night, used a feeding tube to get extra calories, & had a heart defect, at 5, she'd undergone about 4 open heart surgeries since she'd been born. She was a very sick little girl. but on that morning, the morning of 12/21/1992, it was different. My mother went in to wake my sister, for her morning feeding....she was dead, my 5 year old bay sister was dead. She had died in her sleep over night due to a brain aneurysm.

Fast forward 18 years later: It's now gearing toward Christmas again....toward that fateful anniversary, 4 days before Christmas, when she died. She was only 5 years old. My parent's already had all her Christmas gifts, gifts they donated to the Salvation Army, & to the Center For The Disabled (a local facility that helps people with disabilities, & helped her & my family immensely) after her death. It was so hard. I remember the police swarming the house, I remember my step-dad, who had just lost his baby girl, sitting on the couch, crying his eyes out, I remember my baby brother, who at the time was only 4 months old, in his playpen, sleeping it all away. I remember sitting in the chair, & a police officer coming by & handing me a teddy bear, a teddy bear, that has gotten lost over the years.
I wonder, 18 years later, she'd be almost 23 now, what would she be like? Would she be able to talk? Would she still be SO helpless as she was at just 5? Unable to communicate? Unable to do ANYTHING? She was just 2 years younger then me...an age gap that usually brings most sisters so close. But I admit, I felt so far away from her. I would give anything to see her right now & see her smiling. After her death, our house changed. It was always full of tension. My parent's, ESPECIALLY my dad, they never got over my sister's death....they can't let go. Maybe because it was so close to Christmas, maybe because she was so young...maybe both. I don't know, I DO know that every Christmas, I look, & I see her stocking, I cry, I remember her, I think she's happy, celebrating Christmas, where ever you go after you die so young & innocently. I may have been young, but I got the pleasure of meeting a brilliant, loving, happy little girl, for the 5 wonderful years that she was with us.
To my sister:
Lisa Marie
January 29, 1988-December 21, 1992