Best friends...usually you don't expect to be anything more. Usually you don't expect to want anything more. The unofficial code of friendship has always been: 'if you turn a friendship into a relationship, it's bound to fail.' So you just don't tread on that territory. It never enters your mind or your thoughts, the idea of a relationship. That's how it is supposed to go. What happens if it doesn't?
Almost 7 years ago, when I was 19, I found I had feelings for my best friend. I suppressed them for 2 years, until I was 21 years old. I finally told her how I felt. It went better then I thought, it wasn't creepy, wasn't the end of our friendship, nothing like that. The bad thing: She just started dating a guy she really liked. That broke my heart. She's bi, & she told me if I had told her sooner, she would have given me a chance. I took her words to heart, cried it out, & got over it....or so I thought I did.
Fast forward 5 years later, she has a 3 year old little boy & just found out she's 4 weeks pregnant...things are content, we're closer then ever. Nothing's changed...then last night...BAM I had this dream. In the dream, was me & this girl. I was totally in love with this girl. Wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. But, in the dream, if you were a gay female you were forced to kill yourself. You were only allowed to be bi. In the dream, the girl I was in love with....it was my best friend. I awoke sweaty, the dream doesn't scare me. New York has decent laws against discrimination. The thing is...something about that dream, it made me realize that my feelings for her, they never went away. But still I cannot tell her. She's in love with another man, yet again. So here I lie, in tears over a dream that forced me back to reality that I don't want to face. The only thing I can say about it: Ignorance is truly bliss!