These are some great quotes i found on the internet.

-Last night I lay in bed looking at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is my ceiling?

-Flying is learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

-Duct tape is like the force, It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.

-Friendship is like peeing on yourself. Everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling it brings.

-Everyone wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

-If barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

-Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

-You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.

-What do mean, 'my birth certificate expired'!

-No, Please dont eat me. I have a wife and kids, eat them.