I felt the warm sunbeams soak into my black tee-shirt, seeping through and heating up my arched back. My shoulders were hunched and my eyes squinted against the bright sunlight as I followed the football players around the field. I really understood very little of what was going on, the only reason I was watching the practice being HIM.
HIM was Sean Winston, quarterback for the Grayson High School football team. Him was the guy ALL the girls swooned over when he smiled, and lost their MINDS when he said something to them. HIM was side-swept blonde hair, green-blue eyes, and the build of Superman.
Well, maybe not QUITE Superman, but…
He was handsome, smart, AND single. THAT was a bonus. And that bonus made him MINE for the taking.
I heard shuffling on the bleachers beside me, and turned my head to see my friend Timothy Drake sitting down next to me. Tim was one of my best friends, and he was in every class I was in.
“Hey Gracie,” he greeted, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. I smiled.
“Hey Tim.”
I turned my head back to the players and was silent. Tim paused a moment, then looked at me.
“I thought you didn’t like football…”
“I don’t like football. I like the guy playing it, though…”
I ended this with a dreamy smile and a wistful sigh. Tim looked at me for a second, then turned his head back to the field.
“Sean Winston?”
“Mhm…”
“Ah…”
We were quiet the rest of the practice, my eyes never leaving Sean, Tim mutely sitting beside me. After the practice, I eagerly bounced up and waited for Sean to pass me.
“Hey Sean!!”
I enthusiastically greeted with a huge smile. Sean turned his head a little, and gave me a faint smile.
“Oh, hey Grace…”
I kept smiling and walked beside him, Tim following in the rear.
“So, I noticed you got an A on that math test today.”
“…Oh yeah… I did…”
“Would you mind coming over this evening and helping me study? I am TERRIBLE at math, and could really use some hel-“
“Oh, uh, sorry Grace… Anthony Washburn invited me to his party tonight… it’s going to be so boring,” he added with a heavy sigh, ”but I have nothing better to do, so…”
I slowed my pace and watched Sean walk away. Plan A didn’t work as good as I’d hoped it would…
“I got an A+ on that test, Gracie,” said Tim as he walked up. “I could come over and help you. I was going to go over to Brayden’s house, but I’d be more than-“
I sighed and shook my head. “Nah, it’s okay. I don’t need help that bad. See you Monday.”
I began walking down the sideline and heard Tim yell after me.
“Are you going to Natelie’s birthday party Sunday!?”
I answered without looking back.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
And if I’d of peeked over my shoulder, I would of seen Timothy standing by the bleachers, hands aimlessly stuck in his pockets, kicking a pebble and watching me shuffle home.
(Should I continue? Please give me any ideas or suggestions you might have!)
As for the *'s, Im really unsure of why it did that... the word is "wi****l", nothing crude or bad about that...it put it in there automatically...lol really I have to clue. Thank you guys sooooo much! It means a lot, really!
As for the *'s, Im really unsure of why it did that... the word is "wistful", nothing crude or bad about that...it put it in there automatically...lol really I have to clue. Thank you guys sooooo much! It means a lot, really!
I'll be honest, I clicked on here expecting another piece of shoddy noob-fiction, but all I can say is very well done. Obviously it's hardly chapter-length material, but that's understandable, what with the restrictions of writing in blogs, and the unbearable laziness of some readers. However as far as I can tell there are no problems with grammar or spelling, except for that part in asterisks I assume was censored o.0
The story, while not seeming to be my kind of fiction, is far better than the usual monstrosities some people churn out on here, and has plenty of description and detail.
I also like how you're already starting to develop the personalities of your characters, since I can already tell that Gracie is into smart, tough, good-looking boys, and am starting to suspect that all the attention she's paying to Sean might make Tom feel neglected later on.
You tell the story pretty well, you should definitely continue. My only slight criticism might be a slight overuse of "..."s.