So I had this totally awesome weekend guys, and I'm going to tell you all about it!

So basically, I'm doing physics for GCSE, and my school owns this farmhouse in Wales which is called something like "Troedyygellyfahwr" or some stupid unpronounceable word like that, but we just call it "The Welsh farm" because that makes a lot more sense to us.

So it's kinda tradition that in year 9 our we all go off to the Welsh farm in our form groups and do orienteering stuff and go stick our heads down an abandoned gold-mine.

Anyway, the GCSE physics class got the option to go down there this weekend and look at stars and planets and stuff. There's like, no cities or towns anywhere near the farm, so there's basically no light pollution and you can see way more stars than in a developed area. You never really notice how much light pollution affects the sky until there isn't any.

So anyway, there were like, 16 or so of us crammed into this mininbus, which doesn't sound like that much except we obviously all had luggage and the minibus had no boot. That's a 'trunk' for most of you. Most of the luggage ended up to my right or crammed into the little areas above the seats.

So yeah, I brought much chocolate and biscuits, most of which I ate either on the trip or the first day there.

The conversation on the minibus was interesting. One or two people had brought DSs so I just borrowed them to play MarioKart and stuff. Then we started talking about fish, and I mentioned that sharks don't have the same kinds of gills as other fish. They've got to swim forward to push water through their gills. It's like humans didn't have lungs, and in order to breathe we had to move forward and scoop the air into our mouths.

And one of the guys sitting next to me said "So if you're ever attacked by a shark, just grab its tail and pull it backwards and it will drown?"

So we started talking about the logistics of actually managing to pull a shark backwards for long enough that it died of asphyxiation, and he decided that he would grab it and tie himself to a ferry, which would pull it along. It was at roughly this point I decided to change the topic, so we started talking about geese instead.

There's this pretty steep slope leading up to the farm, and the teacher driving the minibus stalled it by accident and we had to get out and push to give it some momentum.

It was a physics trip, so for the record, one can calculate momentum with the formula:

P=MV

Where P = Momentum in KGM/S,
M = Mass in KG, and
V = Velocity in M/S.

Try it yourself, it's very exciting.

So when we got there we dumped all our crap in our dorms and then we gave these presentations we'd each had to prepare as revision guides.

Then we set up the telescopes outside.

I'd never used one of these kinds of telescopes before. Basically you've got the main telescope, but then bolted to the left of it is this little thing they called a 'Findascope' which is like a less powerful version of a telescope so that you can find the object you're looking for and then look at it in more detail with the main telescope.

So anyway, we had to align them so that the crosshairs in the findascope matched with the crosshairs in the telescope, which was made all the more difficult by the fact that the findascope's vision seemed to be a mirror image of the actual thing.

So once we managed to get them vaguely aligned we looked at Mars, Venus and Jupiter, except Jupiter moved really fast and disappeared below the horizon before long. Venus took a bit longer because it was higher up, and Mars was really high so that was easy.

So after that we went inside and ate dinner, which was pizza, and I sat next to my physics teacher.

So my physics teacher is like, in his early twenties or something, so only like 6 or 7 years older than me, and he's got cerebral palsy. And he's just like a teenager but he's a physics teacher too. So he's totally addicted to the internet, he's really immature sometimes and likes webcomics and RPG games and stuff.

Anyway, so he taught us this awesome card game called 'poohead,' except it wasn't 'poo', but something slightly more vulgar. I expect one or two of you know it. So that was cool.

At one point I played my physics teacher at chess and he completely thrashed me.

We played a couple of wide-games and stuff in the dark, including this one called 'password.'

Basically, we're each in teams of four, and each team takes it in turns to come up with a four-letter word that none of the other teams know. Each person chooses one letter of that word, which is their letter to protect. Then they go out and hide in the dark and the other teams have to find them.
So when you find a person, they have to tell you their letter. The winning team is the first one to go back to the farmhouse with all of their team present and correctly guess the word. After that, the whistle is blown and everyone comes back in and the next team goes and hides and so it goes on.

So I finished off my pack of custard creams and we had cake and stuff for dessert and went to bed at around 2 am.

So on Saturday we got up around 8:30, except i got up half an hour earlier than everyone else 'cause I was on breakfast duty that morning. So we made breakfast, which was bacon and toast and sausages and stuff, and we set off the fire alarm twice before one of the teachers pointed out that there was an air filter right on the wall and we only had to push one button to turn it on.

So once breakfast was served and eaten we washed it up and we went on this orienteering thing.

It was like a normal orienteering hike thingy, only once you got to each point on the map there was a little clue which had a physics-related question you had to work out correctly to get the next set of coordinates.

The route was pretty short and straightforward, and I'm awesome at reading maps and compasses and stuff, so my team had basically no problem with that. Plus me and one of our teammates are like, the best at physics in the class, so we basically aced that.

We were set off in groups of 4, 15 minutes apart, so in theory we weren't meant to overtake each other. Thing is, the team that went before us were really dumb and got stuck on the first clue, so we overtook them by miles.

So overall we got the fastest time, something like 1 hour 19 minutes. It's really satisfying to be able to predict what's going to come up on the route just by looking at the map. Makes you feel really smart.

So once we'd finished this and got back we started on our group's allotted chores. Some people had to make lunch, some had to clean the toilets, some had to re-align the telescopes, but we were on litter sweep.

Once the litter had been well and truly swept, we hung around a little longer while the team on lunch did their work, and I traded riddles and puzzles and stuff with all the physics teachers.

At one point the teachers and I were outside on what was quite possibly the most pleasant day all year so far, so that bit was really good. We were sat on this little hill just outside the door of the farmhouse, exchanging witty banter with the teachers, which was all good fun.

Then we played some more card games, including a new one called 'Mao' which was very fun. Basically, at the beginning of the game, the 'chair' of the game tells you "The only rule is that we are not to discuss rules." Occasionally they will penalise themselves for this by drawing a card.

So the actual gameplay is a little like Uno, in that you start off with a hand and you want to get rid of it by placing cards of either matching suit or number on the central pile. Only problem is, the only way you can every work out the rules is by getting penalised for breaking them. Also, some of the rules are really pretty stupid.

So each round, the winner of the round gets to choose a new rule, which they tell to one other person and subsequently incorporate into the game.

Anyway, look it up, it's really fun.

So we played Mao into the wee hours of the night. Dinner was spaghetti bolognese, over which my physics teacher and I had no end of fun weirding out the other people on my table by openly discussing various 'taboo' subjects, condoning paedophilia, and discussing the logistics of the existence of vampires.

We also discussed what webcomics we were reading, what kind of apocalypse is the best one to survive (The answer was unanimously zombie), and what kind of RPG classes are the best.

Once it was dark enough, we went outside and looked at Saturn and its rings, which are so cool it's impossible to adequately put into text. We also looked at a bunch of binary systems and stuff.

So once we'd finished that I drew a bit and watched people play 'Chinese snaps' which wasn't really my kind of game.

So after that we went to bed, and about half an hour later one of the guys in my dorm started screaming "Nooooooo," in his sleep, which was really funny.

So in the morning we basically just tidied up the farm and headed off as soon as possible. I was in the lunch group, which basically meant cutting up and entire slab of very mature cheddar. If you've ever had to cut very mature cheddar, you'll know it's basically impossible to do so competently, and it invariably crumbles everywhere.

So lunches were eaten, floors were mopped and bags packed. We started on the 6 hour or so drive back to England.

On the way back we stopped at a service station and I made a remarkable discovery.

See, you get 500ml bottles of Fanta, right. Now, you know they have those little labels saying how many calories they've got, sugars, saturated fats or whatever else? Well, if you look carefully, there's a little asterisk pointing to a footnote which says "Per 250ml serving."

WHO drinks Fanta in 250ml servings?!

You don't buy a bottle of fanta then drink only half of it!
I reckon it's just so that at first glance, it looks like it has less calories and stuff than it actually does, so you'll feel less guilty about consuming it, and so be more likely to buy it.

IT'S A CONSPIRACY I TELL YOU.
EVERYTHING YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW IS A LIE.

So anyway, while we were waiting for everyone else to finish buying provisions or peeing or whatever, me and my friend started looking at this big display going on about how horrible second-hand smoke is, and we started analysing all the different techniques used in the graphics and the text, and their effect on the reader. Excessive English lessons will do that to a person.

Still, damn if that poster didn't make good use of pathetic fallacy.

Anyway, so after that it was basically smooth-sailing until we got back to school, and we had to take out our luggage and clean up the minibus from any litter, even though none of the litter was mine.

There was a leftover bag of oranges which I got to take home because I always accept free stuff, no matter what it is (within reason).

So anyway, I came out of it with a free bag of oranges. Not bad I think.

So that was my super-exciting weekend. I hope you found it as totally awesome as I did (You probably didn't).