A closing car door shattered the silence. A beep followed by clicks of the car locking echoed in the still night. A keychain clinked, followed by soft footsteps on the cold concrete driveway. An abrupt cough, the footsteps ceased. A click, then a key turning noisily in the lock. A doorknob turning roughly, feet stepping onto hardwood flooring. A door slammed shut, and the moon shining through a window across the room hit a pair of blue eyes, looking into the darkness. The brief moment when you feel as if a shadowed figure will round the corner, when you feel as if someone is lurking in a closet, when you feel as if someone is right behind you-
I frantically groped for the light switch by the front door. I hurriedly flipped it on and turned 180 degrees, half worried someone really was behind me. Just the door.
I gulped and hesitantly walked a few feet to the coat closet, pausing a minute before opening it suddenly, expecting someone to jump out at me. Just some jackets and a couple pairs of shoes.
I took a deep breath, shutting the squeaky door. I tip-toed across the living room, then peeked around the corner, prepared to see someone on the other side of the wall. Just the trash can.
I let go of my breath I'd been unknowingly holding, and leaned back against the wall. Man, I really got myself scared sometimes!
Once again in my right mind, I casually tossed my hoodie onto the couch and flipped on the light over the sink. I washed my hands, taking longer than usual because the warm water felt good on my cold skin. Turning off the sink, I dried my wet hands on the towel and opened the fridge. I scanned the food inside for something to drink, then spied a half drank can of Pepsi on the middle shelf. I picked it up and shut the door behind me, drinking a few gulps then setting it down. As I walked over to my parents door on the other side of the kitchen, which was slightly ajar, I shivered as if a sudden cold breeze had hit me. Shaking it off as just a random sensation of coldness, I looked through the small crack of the bedroom door.
My mother was asleep on the bed, and a light was on in the bathroom. I figured my dad got up to go to the bathroom, and I decided not to wake my mom to let her know I was home from the party. With one last glance at my mom, I pulled the door shut, being careful not to make noise and wake her. I noticed that the doorknob felt wet, but I walked off without looking closer, just thinking that someone had touched it with wet hands.
I walked across the house, flipping off lights lazily as I went, and eventually ended up in the dark hallway. I noticed my little sisters bedroom door was slightly ajar as well, which was odd; both my parents and her normally slept with their doors completely shut, my parents even locked theirs.
Shrugging it off, I peeked inside my sisters room, and saw her awkwardly sprawled out on her bed, one blanket half on her, another on the other side of the room. I spotted her teddy bear on the floor, and slipping inside, I picked it up and set it beside her. I paused, noticing a wet feeling again, but remembered my hand was still wet from touching my parents door. I picked up her teddy bear by the head and wiped it's leg off with my shirt, setting it down beside her again.
I stepped out of her room and cracked the door behind me, not touching her doorknob as I had with my parents' door. I walked into my bedroom, the door wide open, but stopped before I shut it behind me, remembering I needed to brush my teeth before crashing in my bed. With a yawn, I stepped sluggishly into the hall bathroom, and flipped a switch, light flooding the small room. I drowsily looked up at the mirror, my eyes suddenly widening. There was blood on the corner of my shirt.
I frantically looked at my hand, blood all over the palm where I'd touched my parents' door. In complete panic, I raced into my sister's room and turned on the light. Her throat was slit, and her bed was covered in blood. So was her teddy bear.
A choked cry escaped my throat, and I ran as fast as I could across the house, shakily turning on lights as I went. Nothing in the living room looked out of place, nothing in the kitchen either. I threw open my parents' bedroom door, flipping on the light, I opened my mouth in mute horror as I saw the bed covered in scarlet streaks, my mom laying on her pillow, throat slit just like my sister.
I didn't have time to see where my dad was, because the bathroom door suddenly swung open, and a tall figure in all black stood in the doorway. My heart leaped into my throat, seemingly skipping a beat. I had to get out of there.
I turned and slammed my left shoulder on the doorway, pain shooting through my arm, and I raced into the dining room. I heard loud thumping on the floor right behind me, and with a panicked sob, I felt a searing pain shoot through my right shoulder, the figure right behind me.
I felt myself knocked to the ground, head slamming against the wood floor, the person poised over me. I suddenly heard the garage door opening, and I knew my older brother had just gotten home from his friend's house.
"JAYSON!" I screamed his name at the top of my lungs, the attacker pushing a gloved hand over my mouth.
I saw the knife dripping with blood raised into the air, but I wasn't about to die, I would fight till I had no strength left. I viciously kicked my attacker in the face, stunning him or her for a moment, which allowed me to get back on my feet. I grabbed a glass container from the bar and threw it as hard as I could at the killer. The glass shattered in his or her face, and the murderer cried out in pain. The voice was a man's, and I didn't stick around to see how badly I'd hurt him.
My only goal being to get out of my house, I dashed for the door, praying I hadn't locked it behind me. I had.
With a frenzied scream I blindingly fumbled with the lock. My hands shook so bad I could barely get a grip on it, and my vision was blinded by tears welled up in my eyes.
I heard someone trying to come in the garage door, but it was locked. My brother couldn't get in.
I groaned helplessly as I desperately tried to unlock the front door. I heard the man behind me, and quickly bolted down the stairs to the basement to my right just as the knife hit the front door. I knew my fate was sealed the second I turned to go down the stairs; I'd get cornered and trapped in the basement and killed.
Just as I reached the bottom on the staircase, I heard the back door crash open.
"JAYSON!" I screamed my brother's name again, and I heard running footsteps across the floor above as I ran to the back of the basement. I could distinctly hear the killer a feet behind me, and Jayson's footsteps coming down the stairs. I hoped my attacker didn't turn and go for Jayson, and I ran into the bedroom on the other end of the basement, shutting the door behind me. The killer immediately began turning the doorknob, not giving me a chance to lock it, and I shut my eyes and held the door shut with my hands, putting all my weight on it. My chest heaved with crazed sobs of fear, my strength began giving way, and a sudden flame of pain shot through my hand as the killer stabbed it through the door. I let out an angry cry and staggered back, my attacker slamming open the door, and I helplessly backed up towards the corner. The man lunged at me, I felt my head hit the corner of the wall, and my vision blur hazily for a split second. I foggily saw Jayson appear in the doorway, and I used the last ounce of strength I had to try to kick my assailant again, only to feel a knife sink into my leg as I slipped into unconsciousness
Very nice. You've a real knack for writing. The pace is very well controlled, with the slow and arduous beginning contrasting very nicely with the dynamic and tense second half. Probably the first time in a long while I've felt genuine empathy and tension with a story on here, so well done on that.
Of course, this wouldn't be one of my comments if it didn't have a little crit' in it now, would it?
While it's very good as a whole, I noticed one or two parts with commas that would probably work better as semicolons. For example, "An abrupt cough, the footsteps ceased," near the beginning, would probably work better with a semicolon instead.
Also, I have a teeny problem with the part: "Just thinking someone had touched it with wet hands."
This is a very small issue, but I personally saw the rest of the story coming the moment you said this. If that was your goal, then fine, but I think it killed a bit of the tension once I realised what was going to happen.
I wouldn't have drawn that much attention to the wetness of the handle. Also, the phrasing of the sentence makes it clear that someone hadn't just touched it with wet hands, further reinforcing the problem.
However, those are only very minor problems, and you can probably tell by how nitpicking they are that I was unable to find any worse flaws in the story, so I'd say you've done excellently.