Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. They won't expect it back.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Don't judge a book by its movie.

I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.

I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.

Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.

I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.

Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.

Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.

I can only endure saying goodbye because saying hello again will be all the sweeter.

Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.

Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.