2012: The Zombie Apocalypse By HullBreach

By @HullBreach Premium64

POSTED: 10 Jul 2012 17:04
CATEGORY: Current Events
FEATURED: Yes (@GleeoK)
(Go to comments)

Doesn't it seem like every few days in the news, we read about another (generally naked) cannibal attack? It's actually gotten bad enough that the Center for Disease Control responded to queries on a zombie apocalypse. I don't know of it's due to the bad influences the Twilight movies are having on homeless bums (especially the south Florida ones), but here's the list I've compiled so far, nonetheless, which covers incidences in the past few months.

2012-05-15 China
mirror.co.uk
Man 'found with eyeballs in wine bottles' arrested for murdering and eating at least 20 people

2012-05-25 Joppatowne, Maryland, USA
nydailynews.com
Maryland man accused of killing housemate, eating heart and brains

2012-05-26 Miami, Florida, USA
miami.cbslocal.com
Miami Police Shoot, Kill Man Eating Another Man’s Face

2012-05-29 Montreal, Quebec, Canada
dailymail.co.uk
Severed head thought to belong Canadian 'cannibal' porn star's butchered gay lover found in park

2012-06-14 Lilburn, Georgia, USA
dailymail.co.uk
'I'm a eat you': Crazed naked man high on bath salts threatens to eat police officers as they try to arrest him on golf course

2012-06-18 Naples, Florida, USA
[a=http://www.wptv.com/dpp/news/news_archives/miami-zombie-cannibal-attack-similarity-naples-man-bites-nurse-threatens-to-eat-faces-cops-say#ixzz1yHItATcT[/quote]wptc.com[/a]
After being arrested for DUI, an East Naples man was taken to the hospital, where deputies say he bit a nurse and attacked staff, threatening to eat their faces off and rape their wives.

2012-06-20 West Palm Beach, Florida, USA
wptv.com
Manatee County deputies used multiple Tasers to subdue and arrest an out-of-control naked man who authorities say severely bit the arm of another man.

2012-06-26 Wenzhou, China
dailymail.co.uk
Chinese 'cannibal' attack caught on camera as drunk bus driver leaps on woman and chews on her face

2012-07-01 Madang, Papua New Guinea
tvnz.co.nz
A cult in Papua New Guinea is being blamed for the deaths of seven people near the coastal city of Madang, with reports saying it was a cannibal attack.

2012-07-07 St.. Augustine, Florida, USA
jacksonville.com
A naked man went on a rampage Saturday, biting a chunk out of a man’s stomach after leaping from a roof onto a truck on Palmetto Avenue, according to the St. Augustine Police Department.

The good news through all of this is that you can buy Zombie Bullets!

+15 -2

ShinyArceus67
30 Jul 2012 08:16

Quoth CaPtAiN.sAcHi:

o no.. my teddy bear eats bath salts..

STOP HIM! The crisis could begin in your home! O_O

DaKoTa55
29 Jul 2012 09:28

Quoth HullBreach:

Quoth iSuCkErZz2quote]I'm gonna try some of that bath salt stuff..

I'm going to load my rifle.[/quote] Can i borrow your rifle once it's loaded?

The DuDe
23 Jul 2012 12:10

oh and strangley im afraid of life... one reason is reports of people getting eaten by naked people O_O...

The DuDe
23 Jul 2012 11:58

ive heard of sand flys, the book says it EATS your FACE... does that mean sand flies are zombie flies?

Psykachu
19 Jul 2012 02:55

... it's also strange how ehh... some probably weren't...... no comment... O.O

Psykachu
19 Jul 2012 02:54

It is strange how all those drunk men wound up nearly eating people's guts out... this is either a strange coincidence or someone put something in the alchohol...

DefinedFate
19 Jul 2012 00:22

Lol...wierd...:o

jazzyrocks
17 Jul 2012 05:24

Am I the only one who thinks its because they take to much bath salts o.o

Madboyz11
16 Jul 2012 21:08

Te place that I think would be the best is Mexico!!! The doors are made of metal and have some metal bars on the glass, and most house have upstairs in case if zombies are downstairs. ^-^

Ralfbowser
14 Jul 2012 20:47

The end of time, the end of the world...2012...zombies on the way!

sky335
13 Jul 2012 23:31

Quoth viperII:

It's times like these that make me want to load my boomstick and get a chainsaw hand ready. groovy!

Yah evil dead peeps! XD

Mr.Gangsta
13 Jul 2012 16:13

Quoth EmoInfinity1:

OMG! I RESEARCHED ALL OF THESE! ALL OF THEM WERE TESTED AND NONE OF THEM WERE HIGH/DRUNK AT ALL!!!

Actually several of them were! like the one dude on bath salts or the drunk bus driver

SHAD0W
12 Jul 2012 19:13

Quoth Princess Konata:

Quoth Zoanfruit:weird...before i read this, here is what i read elswhere XD:
"The object to your left is now your weapon of choice for the upcoming zombie apocalypse. How screwed are you?"
...only pillows are to my left. o-o

I have a book and a stuffed monkey...

Well, I'm screwed.

I got a pillow and a wii remote.......im dead

Princess Konata
12 Jul 2012 18:51

Quoth Zoanfruit:

weird...before i read this, here is what i read elswhere XD:
"The object to your left is now your weapon of choice for the upcoming zombie apocalypse. How screwed are you?"
...only pillows are to my left. o-o

I have a book and a stuffed monkey...

Well, I'm screwed.

Ultimatedude13
12 Jul 2012 18:30

NO ORLANDO, PLEASE

Jack10
12 Jul 2012 16:27

Quoth Tom633:

Guys, Anyone got a spare Ice peashooter?

No, but I have a sunflower. xD

December 21st, 2012: Barack Obama is zombified

Wulvezz4Ever
12 Jul 2012 16:00

These people either want to go viral, or bath salts for everyone! &#58D

CaPtAiN.sAcHi
12 Jul 2012 11:10

o no.. my teddy bear eats bath salts..

awesomeness123
12 Jul 2012 05:25

You forgot in New York people saw a man on the sidewalk eating a pair oh LUNGS eww o.e nasty. btw i heard that on da radio xD

Hylianzombie234
11 Jul 2012 22:48

Quoth purplepandafish:

Quoth Zoanfruitquote]weird...before i read this, here is what i read elswhere XD:
"The object to your left is now your weapon of choice for the upcoming zombie apocalypse. How screwed are you?"
...only pillows are to my left. o-o

WEEEEWT: tower-fan and a BB gun.[/quote]Book case. I would be fine, if I could actually lift it.

purplepandafish
11 Jul 2012 17:27

Quoth The Ram:

The solution is obvious... We ticket the "zombies" $250-$500 for every 10 grams of human flesh they destroy/consume.

Or we could just haul them to jail like normal.

/chicagologic

Jails cost money, fining gives money.

purplepandafish
11 Jul 2012 17:25

Quoth Zoanfruit:

weird...before i read this, here is what i read elswhere XD:
"The object to your left is now your weapon of choice for the upcoming zombie apocalypse. How screwed are you?"
...only pillows are to my left. o-o

WEEEEWT: tower-fan and a BB gun.

purplepandafish
11 Jul 2012 17:23

Quoth fabo888:

"•Build a very pixelated house to surround and protect you"

LolMinecraft.

InvaderBiZ11
11 Jul 2012 11:14

Man, good thing I have wooden bat, a metal BB gun, wooden planks, and nets.

Always aim for the head. Not the heart, or tthe neck. Just the brain.

A class of archery would be a great method to survive a zombie apocalypse.

Oh, try and get in shape too.

RESOLUTION: Beg dad to start archery classes.

GaRdETto
11 Jul 2012 10:02

Quoth The Ram:

WAIT.

Let's just wait for the Protoss to "purify" Earth. oFTo

Would the purification be lead by Tassadar? The Protoss Executor in charge makes a big difference.

Tom633
11 Jul 2012 08:06

Guys, Anyone got a spare Ice peashooter?

Tom633
11 Jul 2012 08:02

WHAT IS DAYZ DOING TO PEOPLE!? In all seriousness: This, kids is what weed does. Good day.

The Ram
11 Jul 2012 06:34

WAIT.

Let's just wait for the Protoss to "purify" Earth. oFTo

Lakhlan01
11 Jul 2012 05:56

Quoth HullBreach:

Quoth iSuCkErZz2quote]I'm gonna try some of that bath salt stuff..

I'm going to load my rifle.[/quote]

All i've got is a BB gun and a few spears. D:

HullBreach
11 Jul 2012 05:04

Quoth iSuCkErZz2:

I'm gonna try some of that bath salt stuff..

I'm going to load my rifle.

iSuCkErZz2
11 Jul 2012 05:02

I'm gonna try some of that bath salt stuff..

Star Shadow
11 Jul 2012 04:49

Get all the Phoenix Downs and X-Potions! Train everyone to be White Mages and Paladins! Zombies are weak against holy and healing items. Fire also works.

inSein
11 Jul 2012 04:17

I hate Florida. Deep down in my heart, the hate for it was always there. Now it's out in the open. Also Texas. Mittigan is better.

MysticalZoey
11 Jul 2012 03:41

I GOT MY PUDDIN' POPS READY.

squirrelwomen
11 Jul 2012 03:38

: D yay zombies!!!!

Waffle King
11 Jul 2012 02:55

The cult of Papua New Guinea is actually cannibalistic, not zombies. As for the rest of them, I do believe they're mostly cases of high on bath salts. So I say we destroy all of the bath salts now and prevent any zombie attacks.

Nips09
11 Jul 2012 02:38

I believe the whole 'end of the world' thing is just..garbage..

rdfcguy
11 Jul 2012 02:14

Anyone have some spare lawn mowers?

Lakhlan01
11 Jul 2012 00:32

Everyone has a zombie plan.

Gym Leader Mark
10 Jul 2012 23:47

If this does happen, I'm lucky to have my own copy of "The Zombie Survival Guide."

Get five years worth of non-perishable food and water, go upstairs with a bathroom bucket, destroy the staircase, and wait.

/prepared

fabo888
10 Jul 2012 23:44

Although seriously, this is pretty disturbing... o.o I'm glad nothing has happened like that near me yet.

fabo888
10 Jul 2012 23:43

Three ways to kill them.
•Plant Peashooters
•Shoot them
•Build a very pixelated house to surround and protect you

GleeoK
10 Jul 2012 23:29

Quoth Haruspex:

You forgot these zombies.

http://i.imgur.com/sD7Xj.jpg

These are the worst and most dangerous zombies of them all.

True. And I get truly mad that people annoy the hell out of me all the time because I am "always" playing (which is not true, I browser the internet, listen to music and DO MUCH MORE on my 3DS than only play, you know it), and my brother brings his frigging iPod everywhere, to the dinner table, breakfast, watching TV, to restaurants (in the table, while eating, after eating...) in the street walking with that damn thing in his hand ALL THE TIME and NOBODY SAYS A THING. Now If I hold my Damn 3DS for 5 minuts I am "playing" too much...

Screw this damn society

PRAY3R
10 Jul 2012 23:26

That's why I hate living in Florida. All zombie attack's tend to happen here the most.

Haruspex
10 Jul 2012 23:12

You forgot these zombies.

http://i.imgur.com/sD7Xj.jpg

These are the worst and most dangerous zombies of them all.

GleeoK
10 Jul 2012 22:59

Oh God, Lol XD

The Ram
10 Jul 2012 21:03

The solution is obvious... We ticket the "zombies" $250-$500 for every 10 grams of human flesh they destroy/consume.

Or we could just haul them to jail like normal.

/chicagologic

rdfcguy
10 Jul 2012 18:30

*while

rdfcguy
10 Jul 2012 18:29

I knew this day would come. Luckily, playing Plants vs. Zombies for twenty hours a day has prepared me for this moment. Excuse me hile I plant some pea shooters and squash.

2012: The Zombie Apocalypse

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