If you've read any of my past blogs, you know I'm a very serious person who only writes very serious things. Today will be no different.

Now, what prompted today's blog is something that happened to me yesterday. I was at home watching tv when suddenly I heard my father shouting in spanish. I don't remember exactly what it was, but the gist of it was something like "Get the hell away from there!"

As it turns out, my father was shouting at some guy who'd been standing outside my window for the past 40 minutes. It wasn't anyone we knew. It was just some random guy standing outside my window staring in.

What does this have to do with movies and tv?

As we all know to be absolute concrete fact, letting your imagination run free is the best way to find out why something real happened. After a second of doing that I realized the guy must have been a spy, and he'd used tv to distract me while he spied on me.

But how could he have made me watch tv, you ask? He must have known I finally watched Inception last week and took the opportunity to implant the thought to watch tv in my mind at that exact time so he could spy on me. It's the only thing that makes sense.

This of course led me to realize tv is actually a spy device meant to both distract you and absorb your life force. That's why tv causes a strain on your eyes. It's actually absorbing your life force. Obviously.

TV is evil, and so are movies. Movies do the same thing as tv, only they draw larger crowds for the sole purpose of absorbing life force. That's why it can be tiring just sitting in the dark for hours at a time.

You know what must be done. We must hunt down the source of all movies and tv and destroy it. He's evil. I tried, but I was told there's no single being who causes tv to happen. Everyone I know is working for him, and they won't admit he exists. That's why I wrote this. I need your help to destroy that *jerkface. Find the source and destroy him to reclaim your lost life force.