Some people claim to be patriotic. However, they are mere mockeries, amateurs to nationalism on a level like mine. They put up a few american flags, throw an italian american or two into the ocean for looking too foreign, run for president and spend millions of dollars... But that is just tomfoolery. I am a TRUE american, and I'm a TRUE patriot. I wear a hat made out of four raccoons, two deer, a crocodile, and a live grizzly bear, with 52 flags on it (one for each state) and a small mcdonalds in the middle of a football field full of baseball players dribbling golf balls adorns the very top of my hat. I grow corn made of eagles that I fashion into fireworks that I use as bullets for my rifle that I hunt buffalo with. I drive a steam train with thirteen cars (one for each of the 14 original colonies) all full of hot dogs and barbecues across the freeway to work. I have a bumper sticker for every political canidate, which ends up being so many that my bumper is about four inches thicker than normal. My diet consists of potato chips, home grilled steak, and football. I have intentionally forgotten where Europe is on the globe, and placed a large sad face where it used to be. I doubt that anyone is more patriotic than I am, because thinking about other people is too difficult for me. I don't need friends when I have AMERICA!

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