Over the past year, I have been jotting down bits of poems that pop into my head. I sat down this morning and decided it was time to compose them into cohesive works. I’ve been doing a lot of healing over the last year from things like abusive friendships, mismanagement, toxic workplace environments, death, and a lot of other crap. Soon, I’ll be writing a blog on neuroplasticity and how we can retrain our brain over time.

I will scream it to the world now - I beat my depression. I’m proud of that. It has been a long process. I started healing in mid-2023. I used to be sad even when I was happy - now I’m happy even when I’m sad. The brain is complex and there are many moments it doesn’t feel worth it to retrain. It is.

Anyway… here are my poems for your reading pleasure.

Depression is Dead
I’m worried I’ll never feel it again
The feeling of being dead
Melancholic mindedness
Waiting on the winter to start then to end

The world around us grows bigger
But my room’s walls close in around me

No sleep
Up in the night
I’ll run away
Give up the fight

(But where can I go?
And what gives me the right?)

alone alone alone!
sitting in your car by yourself
needing to move but nowhere to go
strapped in, screamin’ on your way home
while time flies by you sit in one place
The car is moving but you’re losing the race

You wanted to put it somewhere
you wouldn’t forget it
so you put it in your chest but then
it made you panic

Weighted Consequences
nothing’s by accident
consequences are active
they’ll make you bow
and pray for repentance

you’re never alone
which could be a threat or a promise
maybe it’s a consolation
for those who fear the solitude of life
and for others it’s suffering
that cuts skin like a dull butter knife

Fear not my hardships
Control, save, and overcome
My enough is not enough
Using my ways to serve
Loving others more than I love myself

Intention, perception, and anticipation
Showing me where my soul is tied
Allowing it to continue
Forgive me
Ashamed
A million little things

A Smoking Gun
Crimes committed under the guise of God
are not from the God that I believe in
Foundations built on a father with no regard for the mother or the spawn

It’s a call from the past
Never meant to last
But circumstances overstayed their welcome

I don’t wanna be the best or the worst
When you look at me, can you see where it hurts
It’s always returning
Karmic fires are burning

A handgun named revenge

Leaving
You’re not allowed to miss me
You had your chances
I’m leaving you behind
I won’t recant this

I’m done, I’m done
That was the last time
I’m full of hope
And it’s the best kind

Light bubbles up from my loving heart
Everything will be alright
This is just the start