One day, at Red Base on Hemorrhage, Grif and Simmons were chatting to eachother.
"I'm telling you, there is no 'l' in 'both'!" Simmons said in annoyance, "How many times do I have to tell you this? And why do I get the strangest feeling of deja vu?"
"You sound so stupid that way!" Grif argued.
"Simmons, Grif! I need you two real quick!" Sarge said from outside the base. Grif and Simmons dashed out quickly.
"What do you need, Sarge?" Simmons asked.
"Most likely more work," Grif said indifferently.
"Grif, I told you! The war's over! There is no Blue or Red. The only reason we still have 2 bases is because it's what we're used to!" Sarge said, "However, if you didn't mean any work war-related, then yes, you two do have work to do."
"What's the job, sir?" Simmons asked.
"That's 'Sarge' to you, boy," Sarge corrected, "No more of that 'sir' stuff. The rank wasn't even real, remember?"
"Right. I still have to get used to that, that's all," Simmons replied.
"Post-war habits aside, your mission is to head to the inter-planetary post office on Earth. There's a package that needs to be picked up," Sarge explained.
"What's in it?" Grif asked.
Sarge laughed, "You'll see soon enough, Grif. You two get the Blues in on this. They get a part of this package, too. Plus, you might need some extra guns in case of a space pirate attack."
"Okay. Let's go get Blue Team," Grif said.
"Alright," Simmons replied.
The team went to Blue Base, where they saw Tucker, Caboose, and ex-Agent Washington talking about something.
"Hey, Blues! We need to talk to you!" Simmons called.
Blue Team turned to face them.
"What do you guys want?" Wash asked.
"Sarge told us to go get some package from Earth," Grif replied, "He wanted us to recruit you guys to help defend our ship from space pirates or something or other."
"Pirates? Sounds like fun. (...) I want to come!" Caboose said.
"Wait, how do we know that they're telling the truth?" Tucker asked.
"Uh... Because there was never a war! Not between Red and Blue, at least!" Simmons said.
"I'll help them," Wash decided, "Better than standing around on this slab of nowhere."
"I guess... Okay, fine," Tucker sighed, "That means we have to do stuff... Dang it..."
The team took a Pelican to the nearest starship and took it to Earth. They received the package and left. Right before they went into slipspace, their ship was attacked by pirates. Alien pirates, to be precise.
"What the heck was that?!" Grif asked in surprise when he heard an explosion.
"Pirates have attacked. We need to drive them out," Wash replied.
"Dang... That means we have to do stuff." Tucker said.
The team went to the site where the pirates broke in. Guns blazing, they struck the enemy with stunning ferocity. Eventually, the pirates were forced into a retreat.
"Guys, you might be made into respectable soldiers yet." Wash congratulated the team.
Red and Blue Teams were inside Red Base having a celebration for a first real mission being completed. Everybody's helmets were off, and they were enjoying hot cocoa. Then Sarge brought out the package (which was actually six packages tied together) and handed them out to the person they were addressed to.
"Merry Christmas, everyone! Open your gifts!" Sarge said.
"Christmas? That mission was to get our presents?" Grif asked.
"Sure was!" Sarge answered.
Sarge opened his own gift first (which was gifted to him by the Chairman of the UNSC himself), and got a special board to hang his previous shotguns from the past up on the wall. Simmons got an iPad 5.0. Wash got a copy of Halo Reach. Tucker got a case for his Energy Sword. Caboose got some cookies.
"Aren't you going to open yours, Grif?" Sarge asked.
"I'm afraid to. Knowing you, it's probably something that stinks," Grif answered.
"C'mon, Grif! Whatever hatred of you that I had disappeared when I realized the truth about the war! There's no trick in that box!" Sarge said.
"Okay, if you say so," Grif replied, and opened the box.
The moment he did so, he was splatted in the face by a pie that was on a spring inside the box.
"Hey!" Grif yelled in a muffled voice as everyone was laughing. But after tasting it, he said it tasted like Oreo cookies.
"You see, this way we both win! I get to laugh at something that happens to you, and you get a tasty treat!" Sarge explained.
"Merry Christmas, everyone!" Simmons said.
Red vs. Blue and it's characters are property of Rooster Teeth Productions. I claim no ownership over these elements.
By @Akamia
