*Disclaimer*

Normally I am a pretty outgoing person, and I'm a pretty good person to talk to about problems. With that being said, even the most outgoing people have their own problems that aren't taken care of.


Today, is September 1st, 2018. I am now 21 years old, and still hurt. September 23rd, 2018 will mark three years since my moms passing.

Allow me to take a minute of your time to share my story, and see if it can maybe give you inspiration to never give up.

Growing up, I was the innocent kid. The kid that was never in the loop with the latest trends, drama, relationships, etc. I was always the kid that knew no trouble, and had no fear. When I was about 10 years old, I remember my parents getting into a huge argument one day which actually paved the road to their divorce. When my parents split up, I lived with my father and saw my mother on the weekends. Despite my parents differences I continued to see them the same way as I did when we were one family. However, after my parents divorce little did I know my mother started going down the wrong road and started trying out drugs and alcohol. My father did a decent job of not letting me know, because he didn't want me to be hurt. Unfortunately he didn't do good enough. My suspicions started to build as I realized I wasn't seeing my mother as often, and I would hear sneaky conversations about her between my father and my older brothers. Eventually I found out she had a pretty bad addiction to drugs at this point. Once I turned 16 I lost all contact with her for about two years, then she started Facebooking me again. The messages were always her asking about my life and how I was doing, and I would never really express much emotion. She would also try to get to see me, but I was always busy with work. At the end of the day I would always feel bad about it, but I wouldn't want to see her in the state she was in.

On the night of September 23rd, 2015 I was working at my job very late. I was scheduled till 1:00am doing security. I wasn't too busy that night and I received a Facebook message from my aunt on my mothers side. It read "Sterling, something very bad has happened and you need to be told about it". After opening the message I waited about ten minutes because I was almost certain I knew the news that was going to follow. My biggest fear was predicted, she told me my mother passed away from an overdose. I was heart broken, but in a way relived. I was relived because now I knew she was in a better place, instead of worrying every night if she was okay or not. That night I called my boss and called my best friend. My boss let me leave, appropriately so. I called my best friend because I did not want to go home, I wanted to be far away. We took a drive to the ocean and talked for hours, it was truly what I needed after the news.

Let's fast forward to September, 2018 now.

For the previous 2 years I have never had a problem talking about my mothers death. I have also never really thought about it. Now, with the three year mark looming, I can't take my mind off of it. This past week has been the hardest it's ever been. I know by the time September 23rd comes, it'll have just gotten worse. I believe the reason why it's starting to hit me now is because the more I get older, the more I realize how much life gets harder. I see all my friends need their parents, and I'm am by myself. My father refuses to help me with any finances, and as you know, I have no mother. Another reason is because I know if my mother was still here, I would be making her super proud. She knew I was super big into public safety, and that's what I have a career in.



To conclude my story about my mother, I want you guys to take away that no matter what life brings you, it's okay to move on. It's also okay to admit that you may not be okay anymore. But no matter what hits, at least try to keep your life going and continue to grow into a adult.